Friday, December 28, 2012
INDEPENDENCE DAY 2012
You read that right, today is my Independence Day 2012, just like the 'blog title says.
I had my last treatment today, December 28th, 2012. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I am completely done with chemo.
YAY!!!
I realize my 'blog entries have been spotty at best, but I did NOT want to neglect this entry as this is the day I've been looking forward to since I was diagnosed 2 & 1/2 years ago.
My last round of maintenance chemos took up every Friday in December and the infusions and aftermath were uneventful. I took intense naps, that was about it. Seems like I have zero other effects at this point, no change in taste, no neuropathy that I can tell. The thought occurred to me - did I imagine the changes in taste with previous maintenance, or did I just have less and less as time went on?
Anyway, Nurse Julie took care of me every Friday and did a very nice job. We had many talks. She is a runner and has completed a marathon (imagine that!). We compared notes about running long distances and biking, and talked about life in general. She and her husband have two children, a boy and a girl. It was fun exchanging stories parent to parent about raising children and the challenges of instilling good values in an ever-changing world. Visiting with her every Friday became like getting together for a chat with a long lost friend. When I left she said, "You be sure and stop back and see us when you have your visits with Dr. R, but I want to make this very clear - I don't EVER want to see you back in this chair!" pointing to the recliner where I received my infusions. She is a good nurse and a very nice lady. I will miss her and all the great people at the clinic.
Looking back at previous 'blog entries I realize how much has happened to me in the last 2 & 1/2 years. It has been quite a trip. Some of it seems so long ago. Life is a journey and now another chapter is closed. But it has changed me forever, just as it would anyone. I have been very fortunate. Many others, including friends of mine, were not so lucky. That point is not lost on me.. I am so grateful to my doctor and all the great personnel at the clinic. I told Nurse Julie today that I hope I am done dealing with cancer but if I ever get it again, I know exactly where to go. And I very much appreciate all the terrific support I got from family and friends. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
What things have I learned? Life is precious and life is short. Live it to the fullest. Love is the greatest gift of all. All the money in the world won't buy it nor will it make up for the lack of it. Don't let a day go by without letting the people you love know that you love them. Treat your friends and family like the precious gifts they are. It will all come back to you, times 1000.
Godspeed.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Farewell and Thank You
I started writing this in February but didn’t finish it
until now. I guess I needed a little
distance to get the right perspective.
***
In May 2004, I was at the end of my rope. I had a job
that I hated. It was a boiler room inside sales job, with abysmal pay.
The managers were heartless and, worse, humorless. I was trapped
and sinking fast.
2 and 1/2 years earlier the telecom industry had launched me, unceremoniously, after I devoted 20 years of my life to them. Finding any kind of decent replacement job was proving difficult. My confidence was shattered.
Somehow through my social network (actual living breathing people, not pictures on a computer screen), my name popped up at a construction supply house, M.A.W. They were looking for a Credit Manager. I had about as much business being a Credit Manager as I would being the President of the United States. My degree (1978 vintage) was electronics. My background was telecom. But I figured I had nothing to lose, and besides, I knew Excel (a little bit, anyway). I went to meet Chuck D.
Chuck shook my hand and seemed to be sizing me up. We talked a little bit. We discussed my previous employers, but only briefly. Chuck mentioned that he was "on the back nine" and that soon he would be handing control over to his sons, Darren and Derek.
At the end of the interview, Chuck said he'd have to talk to his business partners. He would get back to me.
10 days later, Chuck called me. The job was mine, if I wanted it. But could I start tomorrow? I could and I did.
7 years and 9 months later, I'm still at M.A.W.
I had a hell of a time at first, but eventually Chuck brought me around to his way. What I got more than anything from Chuck was this: your family is number 1; your friends are a close second.
2 and 1/2 years earlier the telecom industry had launched me, unceremoniously, after I devoted 20 years of my life to them. Finding any kind of decent replacement job was proving difficult. My confidence was shattered.
Somehow through my social network (actual living breathing people, not pictures on a computer screen), my name popped up at a construction supply house, M.A.W. They were looking for a Credit Manager. I had about as much business being a Credit Manager as I would being the President of the United States. My degree (1978 vintage) was electronics. My background was telecom. But I figured I had nothing to lose, and besides, I knew Excel (a little bit, anyway). I went to meet Chuck D.
Chuck shook my hand and seemed to be sizing me up. We talked a little bit. We discussed my previous employers, but only briefly. Chuck mentioned that he was "on the back nine" and that soon he would be handing control over to his sons, Darren and Derek.
At the end of the interview, Chuck said he'd have to talk to his business partners. He would get back to me.
10 days later, Chuck called me. The job was mine, if I wanted it. But could I start tomorrow? I could and I did.
7 years and 9 months later, I'm still at M.A.W.
I had a hell of a time at first, but eventually Chuck brought me around to his way. What I got more than anything from Chuck was this: your family is number 1; your friends are a close second.
If you gave him a good firm handshake, looked him straight
in the eye, and (more important than anything) gave him your word, Chuck would
always be there for you, to the bitter end.
Your word is your bond, Chuck used to say.
I have no doubt that if I had called Chuck in the wee hours of the morning he'd be there if I needed help. I know someone who did call him, just like that…. for bail money. Ever the loyal friend, Chuck showed up, with the cash.
It wasn't all roses. Business rarely is. The last 93 months, for me and M.A.W, have included successes and failures. But I'm still here. What Chuck got from me (I'd like to think, anyway) was a dedicated worker who was at his desk every day, and knew his way around computers, at least a little bit. Chuck had the business know how, I knew (or figured out) how to make some of his internal processes run smoother.
Once Chuck got to know me, he hired my sister in law. Then he let Derek hire my wife.
Oh well, nobody's perfect, I guess.
A few years ago, Chuck started to back off from the business. His boys took over. He started to travel. Stays in Florida became the norm. Then, sadly, his health began to decline. He fell and broke his hip. A stay in a rehab center followed. Not one to stay down for long, Chuck breezed through that and was back in the game.
Your word is your bond, Chuck used to say.
I have no doubt that if I had called Chuck in the wee hours of the morning he'd be there if I needed help. I know someone who did call him, just like that…. for bail money. Ever the loyal friend, Chuck showed up, with the cash.
It wasn't all roses. Business rarely is. The last 93 months, for me and M.A.W, have included successes and failures. But I'm still here. What Chuck got from me (I'd like to think, anyway) was a dedicated worker who was at his desk every day, and knew his way around computers, at least a little bit. Chuck had the business know how, I knew (or figured out) how to make some of his internal processes run smoother.
Once Chuck got to know me, he hired my sister in law. Then he let Derek hire my wife.
Oh well, nobody's perfect, I guess.
A few years ago, Chuck started to back off from the business. His boys took over. He started to travel. Stays in Florida became the norm. Then, sadly, his health began to decline. He fell and broke his hip. A stay in a rehab center followed. Not one to stay down for long, Chuck breezed through that and was back in the game.
Then he got deathly ill. Turned out he needed a liver
transplant.
Chuck was a tough guy, a multi-sport athlete in high school, also a boxer and a Marine. I didn't know him then, but it was obvious the guy could take a punch. And, he took a bucket full of them.
He recovered from the liver transplant and became great friends with the doctor who performed the operation. He went on living and enjoying life.
Sometime after that, I got bad news. I had cancer. My loyal friend Chuck called and offered his support, for me, my wife and kids. I got through my chemotherapy.
Chuck was a tough guy, a multi-sport athlete in high school, also a boxer and a Marine. I didn't know him then, but it was obvious the guy could take a punch. And, he took a bucket full of them.
He recovered from the liver transplant and became great friends with the doctor who performed the operation. He went on living and enjoying life.
Sometime after that, I got bad news. I had cancer. My loyal friend Chuck called and offered his support, for me, my wife and kids. I got through my chemotherapy.
After that, Chuck and I had many talks about life, and what
an adventure it was. But we also both agreed that we had no
complaints. We'd both stared into the abyss and been changed by it.
The fact that we'd both had significant health scares allowed us to bond in a
way we never would have otherwise. And that's the honest truth.
Chuck recovered from his transplant surgery and was back once again. He welcomed his first grandchild, a baby girl. He was enjoying his life. Unfortunately, after a short time, he got more bad news from the doctor. This time it was cancer. It had spread and was in his lungs.
Yet again, Chuck refused to throw in the towel. He fought with everything he had. When he was told he didn't have long, he faced his fate with dignity and composure. He never complained. But at the same time, he committed himself to fighting for every extra day he could get. He NEVER gave up.
Chuck had a heart attack and then slipped away, on a Saturday morning in February with his sons by his side. He was 71.
His boys put on what was without a doubt the best send off I've ever seen. Chuck's funeral was what every funeral should be: friends and relatives fondly remembering their late great friend. Chuck's friend since childhood gave one of the funniest eulogies I ever heard, here's a sample - "I met Chuck on Tuesday. On Wednesday, the police were at my house - "Were you with Chuck D. yesterday? A car was reported stolen....".
Another story was when Chuck's parents decided to send him off to military school. They took him to the train station and watched him get on the train. What they didn't see was that he walked through the train car and exited the other side before it ever left the station. Hooked up with them later that day, back at home. Military school didn't sound like a good idea to Chuck.
Chuck recovered from his transplant surgery and was back once again. He welcomed his first grandchild, a baby girl. He was enjoying his life. Unfortunately, after a short time, he got more bad news from the doctor. This time it was cancer. It had spread and was in his lungs.
Yet again, Chuck refused to throw in the towel. He fought with everything he had. When he was told he didn't have long, he faced his fate with dignity and composure. He never complained. But at the same time, he committed himself to fighting for every extra day he could get. He NEVER gave up.
Chuck had a heart attack and then slipped away, on a Saturday morning in February with his sons by his side. He was 71.
His boys put on what was without a doubt the best send off I've ever seen. Chuck's funeral was what every funeral should be: friends and relatives fondly remembering their late great friend. Chuck's friend since childhood gave one of the funniest eulogies I ever heard, here's a sample - "I met Chuck on Tuesday. On Wednesday, the police were at my house - "Were you with Chuck D. yesterday? A car was reported stolen....".
Another story was when Chuck's parents decided to send him off to military school. They took him to the train station and watched him get on the train. What they didn't see was that he walked through the train car and exited the other side before it ever left the station. Hooked up with them later that day, back at home. Military school didn't sound like a good idea to Chuck.
Then there was the time his father got him a job painting
fire hydrants (green). As Chuck went
about his duties, an annoying little dog kept harassing him. Pretty soon everything but that little dog’s
most private parts were that lovely shade of green. Chuck’s dad got a call and drove to the
scene. Chuck was fired. And had to walk home, too.
Chuck was one of those larger than life guys. At the luncheon after the services, old friends went on and on with stories about Chuck, each one funnier than the last. Chuck had dated Sara Lee in high school.... yeah, that Sara Lee. Was still friends with her 50+ years later. After he graduated from high school in '58 he went to Cuba with some friends. While they were in a casino there, Castro's gang came in and raised some hell. Chuck rented a bachelor pad with Bobby Douglass who played for the Chicago Bears in the late 60's and early '70s. Their adventures and misadventures together were legendary. One time their place was robbed, the Chicago flatfoot who investigated was Dennis Farina (Miami Vice, Get Shorty, Midnight Run, Law and Order, etc.).
From humble beginnings, Chuck went on to start a business, sell it and retire very young to spend time with his sons. Later he came out of retirement and started yet another business, which he built up for his boys and all the people who wound up working at their two locations.
I guess the most amazing thing to me about Chuck was that he had friends that he went to grade school with that he STILL hung around with, at the age of 71. Family and friends was what he was all about.
Quite a guy, he was. He did a lot for me and my family. And a lot of other people, too.
Thank you Chuck, my friend. I'll miss you.
Chuck was one of those larger than life guys. At the luncheon after the services, old friends went on and on with stories about Chuck, each one funnier than the last. Chuck had dated Sara Lee in high school.... yeah, that Sara Lee. Was still friends with her 50+ years later. After he graduated from high school in '58 he went to Cuba with some friends. While they were in a casino there, Castro's gang came in and raised some hell. Chuck rented a bachelor pad with Bobby Douglass who played for the Chicago Bears in the late 60's and early '70s. Their adventures and misadventures together were legendary. One time their place was robbed, the Chicago flatfoot who investigated was Dennis Farina (Miami Vice, Get Shorty, Midnight Run, Law and Order, etc.).
From humble beginnings, Chuck went on to start a business, sell it and retire very young to spend time with his sons. Later he came out of retirement and started yet another business, which he built up for his boys and all the people who wound up working at their two locations.
I guess the most amazing thing to me about Chuck was that he had friends that he went to grade school with that he STILL hung around with, at the age of 71. Family and friends was what he was all about.
Quite a guy, he was. He did a lot for me and my family. And a lot of other people, too.
Thank you Chuck, my friend. I'll miss you.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Joe
02-19-2012
I just got back from a visitation.
My buddy Joe, our IT consultant at work, died Thursday morning from
brain cancer. He was diagnosed less than two years ago.
Joe fought the good fight. I did get a chance to visit with him after
he was diagnosed, and he also had been to our shop a couple times after
his surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I didn't think his outlook was
good based on what he had told me and how he looked. I don't know if
Joe knew the likely outcome or not but he always seemed positive when I
spoke to him.
After his initial surgery, I wrote him a letter and told him how much
I enjoyed working with him and how much he had taught me about PCs and
our specific software application. I told him I looked forward to working
with him again soon, even though as I wrote it I didn't know if we ever would
work together again or not. As it turned out, we did work together one last
time. On his last visit to our shop he told me he really appreciated me
writing the letter.
Joe was the kind of guy who did everything by the book. Invariably he
would come to work on my computer and I would have 12 or so windows open.
That used to drive him nuts! He would say "How is your accounting software
supposed to work when you have all those windows open?" And I always said,
"Hey, it's a computer. We paid good money for it, and I work it hard."
Joe was dealt a bad hand. I have no doubt that he did everything his
doctors told him to. The hand he was dealt was a loser.
It reminds me of something Lance Armstrong mentioned in his book - some
of the best people in the world get cancer. They do everything they can
to beat it. They do what their doctors tell them to. They have a positive
attitude. They work their asses off.
Their cancer will kill them anyway.
On the other hand, some very disagreeable people will get cancer. They
will ignore their doctor's best advice. They will do whatever they want.
They will have a negative attitude.
They will survive.
Cancer's not fair.
I am proud to have called Joe my friend, he was a great guy. He was 62.
His obituary is here.
I just got back from a visitation.
My buddy Joe, our IT consultant at work, died Thursday morning from
brain cancer. He was diagnosed less than two years ago.
Joe fought the good fight. I did get a chance to visit with him after
he was diagnosed, and he also had been to our shop a couple times after
his surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I didn't think his outlook was
good based on what he had told me and how he looked. I don't know if
Joe knew the likely outcome or not but he always seemed positive when I
spoke to him.
After his initial surgery, I wrote him a letter and told him how much
I enjoyed working with him and how much he had taught me about PCs and
our specific software application. I told him I looked forward to working
with him again soon, even though as I wrote it I didn't know if we ever would
work together again or not. As it turned out, we did work together one last
time. On his last visit to our shop he told me he really appreciated me
writing the letter.
Joe was the kind of guy who did everything by the book. Invariably he
would come to work on my computer and I would have 12 or so windows open.
That used to drive him nuts! He would say "How is your accounting software
supposed to work when you have all those windows open?" And I always said,
"Hey, it's a computer. We paid good money for it, and I work it hard."
Joe was dealt a bad hand. I have no doubt that he did everything his
doctors told him to. The hand he was dealt was a loser.
It reminds me of something Lance Armstrong mentioned in his book - some
of the best people in the world get cancer. They do everything they can
to beat it. They do what their doctors tell them to. They have a positive
attitude. They work their asses off.
Their cancer will kill them anyway.
On the other hand, some very disagreeable people will get cancer. They
will ignore their doctor's best advice. They will do whatever they want.
They will have a negative attitude.
They will survive.
Cancer's not fair.
I am proud to have called Joe my friend, he was a great guy. He was 62.
His obituary is here.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Greatest Shame of All
The Greatest Shame of All
or
Why I Can't Forgive bobby b
Back when I got married I disc jockeyed my own wedding. I had tons of albums so
I just chose all the music and made a bunch of cassette tapes. I rented a
P.A. system and slapped in a tape. Every forty five minutes I or one of
my buddies would change the tape.
In addition to the music I had, I bought a bunch of additional albums so I'd have all the
bases covered. One of the new records I bought was the debut album of a brilliant
new artist. I remember looking at the picture on the back of the album. Whit in a
bathing suit. B-b-b-breathtaking!
She was so young, so beautiful and so talented. All of America fell in love with her.
And then we watched her grow up right before our eyes. All her successes played out
before us. All her failures too. When someone grows up in the public eye
beginning at such a young age it seems like you know them in a way, even though a stranger
really can't.
And I think somehow something about that person seems to belong to the public. If you
are a fan, you celebrate their successes and suffer a little bit when they falter. At least many
of us do.
And if you don't believe that then please explain all those magazines at the checkout stands.
So there she was, beloved by the public and on top of the world. And then she married
him. In retrospect that seems like it was the beginning of the end for her.
You could say he was a rascal or a playa' or whatever. To me he was just a dog. And the
proof is in the pudding. The other day she died, far too young.
To an outsider looking in he turned her on to something that ruined her life. While maybe
to some extent he could control his substance abuse, she never could control hers.
Where I come from you take care of the people you love. He didn't take care of her. He didn't
look out for her. He ruined her life and moved on to his next victim. A dog.
You can say its not fair for me to judge and you're probably right. All I know is what I
observed from far, far away. Every individual is responsible for themselves in the end. But
from time to time we all need a little help. And we all deserve help from people who profess
to love us. If they don't help I guess they only love themselves.
Maybe God will forgive him. I can't.
My conscience says I shouldn't pass judgment on someone I don't know. Go ahead and call
me on it. Ill just tell you "that's MY prerogative" .
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
01-17-2012
Hey , y'all!
I finished my second round of maintenance chemo last week. One day a week, for about 5 hours, 4 weeks duration.
Uneventful, mostly. Don't notice even much changing of taste any more. A little fatigue seems to be about it.
I will have maintenance again about July, then again January 2013, it looks like now. Then, hopefully I will have "clean scans" and be free to proceed to my next life threatening catastrophe.
I'm SO excited!
I got a couple of inquiries from people who called for me at work and were told I was in chemo. Jon said, "Steve, do you mind if I ask you a question? Are you OK?". I explained that everything was fine, the maintenance was expected and totally tolerable, all that. Then a couple days later, I got another call, from another coworker just like the first. I guess the word "chemotherapy" has such a bad connotation that people always assume the worst when they hear it. I know I always did.
The personnel at the Treatment Center has changed somewhat. The scheduler took time off after having a baby and the receptionist seems to have been replaced. Most of the nurses are the same. I have to admit it was a little off putting to go back to a spot where I felt so "comfortable" for lack of a better word and found the landscape had changed significantly. But it's all good. Life is all about change, hopefully for the better. Making new friends is ALWAYS a good thing.
Rewinding:
At Thanksgiving, we journeyed to Florida to see our old friends from the 'hood. We had a GREAT time, and it was hard to leave even though we were there a week. Austin went with us and he had a great time, too. The weather was outstanding. We went to the beach at Clearwater one day, and went to the neighborhood pools just about every other day. We are very happy for our old buds that they wound up in a place that they love. But we do miss the hell out of them.
At Christmas we had Tessa's housemates and the house mom stop over for a pizza party (Tessa was already home for the holiday). One of the girls has no living relatives, so she doesn't leave the group home at Christmas. She was very excited. One of the other girls' family takes her out only occasionally to eat, which she loves to do, so she was happy to get pizza. Julie bought them all a Christmas gift. It was actually the highlight of our Christmas to be able to share it with these young ladies.
I sure hope that some day when Julie and I are dead and gone that someone thinks to take a little time to make Austin or Tessa feel special at Christmas.
If you were raised Christian, whether you are a a person of faith when you grow up or not, I can't imagine you would ever forget how special Christmas is for a child.
Back to the present:
Tessa is doing great, she has really settled in at her 2nd home. We are very proud of her as she hasn't really missed a beat. We generally get her every other weekend. On Sunday afternoon, we make sure we prominently display her travel bag. Once she sees that, she knows she will be heading back to her other home that evening. A couple of times after she spotted her bag on display, she just went out in the garage and got in the truck... like, 'allright, if the train's leavin, let's roll, I got stuff to do!'. There really hasn't been any drama with her, and we are grateful for that.
I hope you are doing well.
I finished my second round of maintenance chemo last week. One day a week, for about 5 hours, 4 weeks duration.
Uneventful, mostly. Don't notice even much changing of taste any more. A little fatigue seems to be about it.
I will have maintenance again about July, then again January 2013, it looks like now. Then, hopefully I will have "clean scans" and be free to proceed to my next life threatening catastrophe.
I'm SO excited!
I got a couple of inquiries from people who called for me at work and were told I was in chemo. Jon said, "Steve, do you mind if I ask you a question? Are you OK?". I explained that everything was fine, the maintenance was expected and totally tolerable, all that. Then a couple days later, I got another call, from another coworker just like the first. I guess the word "chemotherapy" has such a bad connotation that people always assume the worst when they hear it. I know I always did.
The personnel at the Treatment Center has changed somewhat. The scheduler took time off after having a baby and the receptionist seems to have been replaced. Most of the nurses are the same. I have to admit it was a little off putting to go back to a spot where I felt so "comfortable" for lack of a better word and found the landscape had changed significantly. But it's all good. Life is all about change, hopefully for the better. Making new friends is ALWAYS a good thing.
Rewinding:
At Thanksgiving, we journeyed to Florida to see our old friends from the 'hood. We had a GREAT time, and it was hard to leave even though we were there a week. Austin went with us and he had a great time, too. The weather was outstanding. We went to the beach at Clearwater one day, and went to the neighborhood pools just about every other day. We are very happy for our old buds that they wound up in a place that they love. But we do miss the hell out of them.
At Christmas we had Tessa's housemates and the house mom stop over for a pizza party (Tessa was already home for the holiday). One of the girls has no living relatives, so she doesn't leave the group home at Christmas. She was very excited. One of the other girls' family takes her out only occasionally to eat, which she loves to do, so she was happy to get pizza. Julie bought them all a Christmas gift. It was actually the highlight of our Christmas to be able to share it with these young ladies.
I sure hope that some day when Julie and I are dead and gone that someone thinks to take a little time to make Austin or Tessa feel special at Christmas.
If you were raised Christian, whether you are a a person of faith when you grow up or not, I can't imagine you would ever forget how special Christmas is for a child.
Back to the present:
Tessa is doing great, she has really settled in at her 2nd home. We are very proud of her as she hasn't really missed a beat. We generally get her every other weekend. On Sunday afternoon, we make sure we prominently display her travel bag. Once she sees that, she knows she will be heading back to her other home that evening. A couple of times after she spotted her bag on display, she just went out in the garage and got in the truck... like, 'allright, if the train's leavin, let's roll, I got stuff to do!'. There really hasn't been any drama with her, and we are grateful for that.
I hope you are doing well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)