Kole's Karaoke Rules

RULE #1 - NO MIC HOGS!

If you are the greatest singer in the world, we love you.  However, we do NOT want to hear you sing EVERY song.  A mic hog is just that, a hog, and we love bacon but we don't love hogs.  Stop yourself.

RULE #1 (AGAIN) - NO MIC HOGS!

If you are the worst singer in the world, we STILL love you.  However we do NOT want to hear you sing EVERY song.  A mic hog is just that, a hog, and we love pork chops but we don't love hogs.  Stop yourself.

RULE #2 - NO CHOIR PRACTICE!

Notice that there are only 2 mics.  That's because Karaoke is for solo acts, or at most, duets.  While we acknowledge that there is some therapeutic value in the "group sing along", please limit it the last two songs of the evening.  That's when everyone has to leave in five minutes and is so drunk that their Karaoke evening will not be ruined by the traumatic experience that the dreaded "group sing along" inevitably becomes.  IF WE WANTED TO HEAR A CHOIR, WE'D BE AT CHURCH!  Nobody died and nobody's getting married, so WE ARE NOT AT CHURCH!  'nuff said.

RULE #3 - NO HORNING IN!

Here's a clue - if Janey wanted you to sing a song with her, JANEY WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU!  If Janey's name comes up and she steps up to the mic, please don't say "Oh, I LOVE this song!" and proceed to sing along with Janey. And if you ASK Janey if she minds and she says she doesn't, SHE'S LYING!  HULLOOO!  She's just too polite to hurt a clueless person's feelings.  You sing your songs and Janey will sing hers.  Not negotiable.  End of discussion.

RULE #4 - NO SONG THIEVES!

Anyone who does not give up the mic for a song that's not theirs is advised that there's a shallow grave waiting for you.  Your body will NEVER be found and that's so sad for your family.  Because none of them would ever steal a song.  Like you did.


RULE #5 - NO AMERICAN PIE. EVER!

We all LOVE "American Pie".  But we would all HATE to hear you sing it!  It's a long drawn out song and it's miserable for Karaoke.  Keep that in mind. "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" would be another example.  "Bohemian Rhapsody"...  I think you get the idea.

RULE #6 - KEEP IT FRESH!

No one can forget that night back in '98 when you thrilled the audience with your rendition of "Last Kiss" (J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers version, NOT Pearl Jam's). Your mother wept, ferchrissakes.  Unfortunately, since that time you have sung "Last Kiss" EVERY FREAKING TIME we have karaoke!  People groan when they hear the first three chords.  It's gotten a little stale.  Please move on with your life and PICK A NEW SONG! (Note that this is an easy trap to fall into.  Yours Truly is as guilty as anyone.  I promise to look for new songs if you will....  Deal!)


Follow all these rules and you will be invited back.  Because we LOVE you!