06-08-2011

06-08-2011

Although I left for work this morning at 4:00, and was beat when I got home, I had a nice ride again tonight, 22 miles. Here's my secret - the power nap. When I got home from work this afternoon I went face down on the bed for about 20 minutes and when I woke up I was totally recharged. I'm making a mental note to remember the value of the power nap! What with me being old and all.

I wouldn't have even rode tonight but it looks like we have 3 days of rain on tap after a couple of days in the mid nineties. Uggh!

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Still waiting for the pool to clear up. Seems like it's getting better but it's like watching paint dry, taking forever. The pool is really being used a lot with all the hot weather we've been having.

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!!! WARNING !!! Boring ramblings of a crazy old man to follow. Suggest you turn back now !!!

I used to work for a large telecom company. I loved my job. I had a lot of good friends there, many I knew better than I knew some members of my own family. I was respected in my position. I was well compensated.

In 1999 I decided that I was doing well enough that I could move my family to a nicer home. We sold our house and moved into a nice house in a new subdivision.

Then everything changed. I never saw it coming.

In the summer of 2001 the company was looking to reduce staff, so they offered a buyout to anyone with 10 years service. The deal was that they would allow you to take an early, and enhanced pension. They would let you take your health insurance with you. These two little details would help you tremendously in dealing with the separation, and the buzz was that there would be plenty of separation to go around for the foreseeable future. The deal was only for people with 10 years service. I had 19 & 1/2. But I was not eligible because there was an additional stipulation regarding age: I was too young by 18 months.

So, I watched people with roughly half the service I had walk out with the sweet deal. Nothing I could do about it.

6 months later they needed to shed more staff. For these unfortunate souls, there would be no sweetheart deal. They came to us and basically said "get your shit and get out". It was not pretty and it was not done professionally.

The manager who laid me off said there were a few other jobs available within the company. There was an ongoing process to identify and place laid off personnel directly into those jobs. She promised me she'd do anything she could to help me land one of those positions before my layoff became official, in 30 days. I was to clean out my desk, turn in my badge and go home to start looking for my next job, either back at The Company or somewhere else.

Over the next 30 days I reached out to this manager many, many times trying to land one of the available jobs. I left voicemails and sent emails. I asked her secretary to have her call me. I was desperately trying to hang on. I could not get her to respond, no matter what I tried.

Finally, one day my phone rang. It was the manager's secretary - "Brenda needs to see you. And bring your laptop!"

Brenda had finally called me - for my exit interview.

At the interview, just before Christmas, Brenda went through all the formalities to separate me from The Company. She said nothing about the jobs she had promised were available. It was obvious she would not help me.

Her promise was a lie and Brenda was a Liar.

When she was done, she asked if I wanted to say anything. I said "When you laid me off, you said you'd do ANYTHING you could do to help place me in a job here. Brenda, I can't even count how many times I called you. Or how many times I emailed you. But you couldn't respond to an email or call me, or lift one finger to help me. The only time I got a call was when you needed me to come in for the exit interview, to get your paperwork all tidied up. I've worked here for 20 years. I understand that no one is promised a job for life. But what I really didn't expect was to be treated like garbage. I deserved better than that, I really did. But how nice for you that you can get all this unpleasant business tidied up so you can go home to your family and have a nice Christmas!"

Brenda looked at me and said "that's fair".

For years, when I drove past the building I couldn't bring myself to look at it. And when I looked in the mirror I saw a bitter, bitter man. I have never recovered from that loss, emotionally or financially. But one day I had a talk with myself. I told myself that I was becoming the person that no one cared to be around. The kind that just bitches about their misfortune and is consumed with anger and resentment. Other people have had worse things happen to them. I decided to just go on with my life.

The company left me 10 years ago this December.

I often think about my friends there. I have had sporadic contact with a few over the years, but recently that had dwindled down to basically no contact with anyone. A couple weeks ago one of my friends from there (who also was let go) found me on a business networking website that I had signed up for years ago.

Ruben called me today and we talked about old times. We got on the subject of our old pals at the old job. We kicked around the idea of having a reunion of sorts. I told Ruben something that I have only recently and begrudgingly admitted to myself: I don't know if I could bring myself to reconnect with my old buddies who still work there.

I have recently poked around on the networking website to see who's doing what. There are some people I worked with at the old place who still work there. When I think that they are still there and I've had basically 4 significant jobs since then plus some odd jobs here and there, it makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, I like my present job and don't see myself leaving there. But I had to endure more than one stint on unemployment and had to take some jobs after I got whacked that... well, you get the idea.

If I were still there... I'd have 30 years service this December. I'd probably have 6 weeks vacation... and on and on. Sickening to consider.

I understand that the people who are still there were not the architects of the bloodbaths over there, but I still can't help but feel that meeting up with them again might be quite uncomfortable. I would hate to feel that they pitied me. And I guess I wonder if they might feel superior, for obviously they were kept and I was rejected. Those notions are probably crazy. But I can't shake them.

And I ask myself how I'd feel if I were one of the fortunate ones who are still there. I'll never know.

Even though losing that job happened almost 10 years ago, I'm sure you can tell by reading this that the scab is still fresh. Kinda surprised myself while writing this just how fresh it is. It will never heal completely.

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When The Bitch said "that's fair", I understood why sometimes you turn on the news and see where someone walked into their workplace and did something ugly.

Some of the people who do those things are mentally ill. But some of them are people who were abused and lied to and gave in to their feelings of desperation, betrayal and anger.

I would never do such a thing and I'm not saying it's right. Not saying I condone it. Just saying I understand.

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Sheesh, I do go on.

Chemo tomorrow.