More Random Thoughts 07-23-2010
1) This is my first experience with cancer treatment, and hopefully my last, obviously. One thing about it sticks out like a sore thumb and I never noticed it before.
The cancer care facility is dramatically segregated from the rest of the clinic. Although the cancer care section is physically attached to the rest of the clinic, cancer care has its own entrance. Cancer care has its own parking lot. When you go from cancer care to the lab, you might want to pack a lunch, it's a hike and you pass a lot of nothing along the way.
Maybe if you are trying to sell your services (doctors group A versus doctors group B versus clinic C versus hospital group D, etc.) you'd rather soft pedal the cancer part... people going in for a routine exam, or to get their kid's sports physical, or to be seen for a cold or flu would rather not be reminded of the DARK SIDE of medical care. Let's face it, cancer is something we'd rather not think about, so why shouldn't we put it out of sight, to make sure that we keep it out of mind as well?
I'm not saying it's wrong or anything. And it would be phony for me to condemn this only because I have cancer. It's just that now that I'm going through the system the segregation is very obvious.
And when I bounced the subject off Julie, she brought up what should have been an obvious possibility - that the segregation might be more for the cancer patients than for the rest of the clinic patrons. She suggests that maybe cancer patients might feel that inclusion would lead to privacy concerns (if you go to a family doctor, there might be 10,000 reasons.. but there's only ONE reason to go to cancer care), and because all patients in cancer care HAVE cancer, other clinic patients might be inclined to gawk, etc.
And maybe due to all the reasons outlined above it's just really THE RIGHT THING TO DO to segregate cancer care from the rest.
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2) Not sure how to put this next part and maybe it's just my view as a newer member of "The Club I Didn't Want To Be In". It seems like many fellow patients that I encounter in cancer care look.... embarrassed and act like they would rather not have other patients (like those of us in the waiting area) see them.
Maybe some newer "Club Members", are still in denial.
Or maybe they fear, like I did, that people would treat them differently and avoid talking to them, avoid looking them in the eye IF THEY KNEW. Maybe they feel like people wouldn't laugh or have fun with a cancer patient around because it might somehow seem disrespectful, like having a beer bash in a graveyard. Maybe they felt like their friends would shun them and take them off their party lists because they never know what to say to them and that their presence might just amount to buzzkill.
And honestly, if all I ever talk about is my illness and I don't concern myself with what's going on in my friends' lives, I can see why they'd want to avoid me. If I want to be treated the same as before, I have to make sure that I don't let my affliction 'consume' me and color every interaction I have with my friends. Because that would be when they start taking me off their party list, and with good reason.
Who wants Johnny Buzzkill around, anyway?
But I really can't say how I'd be if my outlook were grim. Who knows how I'd react to getting a prognosis that has X amount of months at the end of it?
I do have to say that my experience with my friends and family has been terrific. Everyone has been very supportive and I think it helps if I'm talking to someone if I just BRING IT UP and discuss it with them as they seem to feel more at ease once the subject is broached. And honestly, sometimes I have to joke about it. Sometimes my dark humor puts people off, but I guess the way I'm wired I feel a release of tension if I can have a little laugh once in a while.
I will spare you any of the specific jokes.
You're welcome.
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3) After I visited the oncologist for the first time, I started a folder to put some of the handouts in. I didn't want to put "CANCER" on the tab, so for some reason "The Big C" popped in my head. I didn't think too much about it. When I talked to the nurse at the clinic the other day she said "You're about my age. When I was a kid my grandfather got cancer. In those days it wasn't discussed. You were ashamed if someone in your family had cancer. And, you didn't call it cancer, you called it 'The Big C' ". BINGO! I must have had that in my head from back in the day. And maybe her comments shine a light on sections 1 & 2 in this post.
When Julie saw the tab on the folder, she didn't like it, so she added a comment:
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4) I said there was a med that ended in -purine, I was wrong... From wiki:
-- Allopurinol is a drug used primarily to treat hyperuricemia (excess uric acid in blood plasma) and its complications, including chronic gout. Allopurinol commonly is used as prophylaxis with chemotherapeutic treatments.-- The nurse called, I am supposed to start taking allopurinol today. Yikes, I haven't even had one drop of chemo yet!
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