Random Thoughts 07-17-2010

Random Thoughts 07-17-2010

Completion Date

It's occurring to me now that if all goes according to plan, I won't be done until WAY PAST the traditional US Independence Day in 2012. Completing chemo would figure to be sometime in the late fall or early winter of 2012. I guess Thanksgiving or Christmas might be closer to when I'll finish. When I talked to the oncologist initially, I thought he said I'd have 2 years total, but it looks more like I'll have 15 wks + 2 years. Independence Day is still a good name, I guess, and Thanksgiving or Christmas would be good times to celebrate.

Do I think people with cancer are Weak?

My 9-year old niece Hallie (she's actually my grand-niece) heard from someone that I had cancer, before her parents had a chance to talk to her about it. She came to me and asked, "Do you have cancer?" and I said "Yes, I do." I then explained to her as simply as I could that my doctor thought I would be OK but that I would have to be treated for 2 years (obviously, there was more interaction with Hallie after that, both with me and with her parents which I won't go into here).

Hallie's reaction was very even and calm. I'm not sure she knew what having cancer might mean.

But, when I admitted to Hallie that I had cancer, I FELT that I'd let her down and disappointed her somehow. I felt that she probably viewed me as diminished in some way, and probably even as weak. I am fully aware that there is no basis in logic for that perception. But I'm also aware that I genuinely felt that way. There would be no point in denying it. My feelings were all projected on the situation by ME, they had nothing to do with Hallie's reaction.

When I connected the dots and realized that I have some bulls--- preconceived notions about cancer MYSELF, it was quite an epiphany.